Yeah...I hear ya!

Swingin' From The Floor

August 4, 2002

Ya know.. I really hate the wave! Ya know what I'm talkin about right? That thing that ya have to do while puttin along on yer Harley mindin yer own fuckin business. Just cruisin and enjoyin the ride and the wind and the deers divin out in front of ya. Yer comin up on the bottom side of Nirvana when in the distance you spot something comin at ya. It's another biker and yer clutch hand starts to twitch. Ya all of a sudden go into "WAVE MODE"!
As the oncoming rider approaches, you initially think to yer self, "Self...we have to wave. somebody a million years ago started this bullshit and it's up to US to carry on the tradition!"
And with that, ya start to feel yer body begin to straighten up a little bit. Yer looking for the perfect posture to go along with a yet undecided flavor of "wave". Are ya gonna do the "Low Handed/Fingers Extended" wave? Maybe the "Hand slightly off the handgrip Casual howdafuk ya doin" wave. Or perhaps ya might go for broke and do the "Downward sweeping I'm so fukin kewl my shrink wants to have my rugrats" wave.
Ya decide on the "yeah yeah I see ya" wave. The half hearted little drop of the hand and a quick flick of the wrist.
Midway through yer wave it hits ya sqaure between the grey matter and the Panama Jacks that THIS asshole ain't gonna wave back!
Now yer whole fukin ride has been ruined! Ya feel like a dick. Ya feel used. Fukin rode hard and put up wet kinda used. All ya wanna do now is camaflage the fact that ya waved at this ass biter and he didn't even look yer way so...ya kinda shake yer arm a little to give the illusion of bloodloss to yer fingers and ya ease yer hand back up on the handgrip all the while checkin yer rear veiws to see if he has hit a tree yet laughin at ya.
So...ya swear to yerself that just cuz of this dude...the next FIVE riders ya see gets NUTHIN from ya in the form of a Biker Howdy-Do!
So on ya ride.
A few miles down the road ya spot another blurb on the horizon and ya slouch down a little and set yer legs to acheive maximum "low and rude" profile. DETERMINED to ignore any and all waves, nods and other jestures of brotherhood bein cast to yer side of the road.
As the rider comes even with ya ya smile a lil grin cuz he is showin NO SIGNS of throwin ya a wave. THIS will make up for makin yerself look like a fukin R.U.B. a few miles back! ALL is right again with the world! And then the mutherfuker...the bastard son of a thousand Vampire sluts drops his hand and slices his outstretched fingers throuth the wind. HE WAVED! THE BASTARD WAVED!!! Now ya feel even worse than the first time! Not only THAT but the cutie ridin back support WAVED TOO! Now yer truly fucked. All ya wanna do is head home and do penance with Uncle Jack. But then ya remember all the times some dick head sittin at a red light waved at ya midway through yer turn. Or all the times ya passed 30 bikes and HAD to wave at EVERY SINGE FUKIN ONE OF EM! Ye remember the time ya waved at a cop and he turned arund and pulled yer ass over and wanted to know what yer fukin problem was.
I guess in the end...Kharma takes over and the human ability to justify all maneer of shit makes ya grin a lil evil grin and just say "WTF"....and keep on ridin. Who knows..maybe the next rider will wave first and give you time to wave back and ALL WILL BE RIGHT WITH THE WORLD once more.
I hate rules....

See ya on the other side...


Pull his string to hear him say...
"Do I LOOK like I give a fuck?"
"Hey man...pass that over!"
"Gimme a match. I think I'm outta gas!"
"I choked Barbie!"
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